Increasing STD rate sparks online dating websites
• Rise in STD's sparks online dating, support communities
• Groups provide understanding, acceptance members say
• One site lists events for individuals with herpes in 40 cities
When Johnny got divorced after 12 years of marriage, he took a deep breath and launched in to the dating scene. www.PositiveCupid.com
"And wham, with my very first girlfriend, I caught herpes," he says. "You feel betrayed and all of a sudden separated from the rest of the world. I thought in the time that the girl who gave it to me and I were the only individuals in the globe who had it."
But Johnny and his date are far from alone. And the expanding number of people in comparable circumstances has created a new industry: Web dating sites just for individuals with STDs. From MPWH.comexternal hyperlink to stdmatch.netexternal link, Web websites abound for the infected who want to date the infected. www.PositiveMeeting.com
It isn't surprising once you see the numbers. One in four women is infected with genital herpes, and almost one in five males according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And a study in this week's Journal of the American Medical Association finds that one in 4 ladies has human papillomavirus, which may cause genital warts and cervical cancer.(Interactive: Test your STD knowledge) Free Chat
Once John got over the initial shock of his diagnosis, one of the first things he did was go on-line. (Watch how daunting dating can be for all those with STDs Video)
"I went on Craig's List and posted a note that said, 'I live in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I'm a decent professional man, and I've ended up with this.' Somebody then contacted me and said, 'Have you heard of PositiveSingles.com?'"
Once John joined PositiveSingles.com support group, part dating site for people with herpes - everything changed. "I would have been pleased to have had just one individual to unload everything I was feeling," he says. "Instead I found more than 500."
"I'm 27, working on a Ph.D., own a second home, I have a master's degree, but when I go into a partnership, I bring this with me, and that is hard," she says.
Even understanding when to inform a potential boyfriend about herpes is tough. "It's confusing, because you do not know when the right time is to inform somebody. Should you be up front and get it over with or wait till the individual develops feelings for you personally? It is a large ethical issue."
For Jennifer Nicholas, it was more than just an ethical issue. Once she told males she was dating about herpes, many ran in the opposite direction.
"One guy, I thought he was Mr. Ideal. But then when I told him that I had herpes, he stated, 'Forget my phone number, forget my address,' and he blocked me from being in a position to message him around the pc," she says.
Jennifer joined www.positivecupid.com another website for individuals with herpes. These sites immediately take a number of concerns off the table. Members do not have to worry about when to inform other members they have herpes, since everybody in the group does. And they don't have to worry about spreading herpes, since the other members already have it.
Pam says at first, individuals are very nervous about joining, because it might be the first time they determine themselves as getting herpes.
"People show up for their first support group meeting and occasionally they turn right about in the door because they do not have the courage to come in," stated Pam. But then later, "I have individuals sending me thank you e-mails all the time. A guy came to a support group meeting and sent me flowers."
Since many of the members have not come out to family members and friends, a password is needed to get in to the photo gallery showing photos of social events and to obtain any specific info about members.
A big part of STD Web groups is social outings. Some events attract a huge selection of people. They look just like any other big party. "When we go on outings, we don't put a sign up in the hallway saying, 'Meeting of the Charlotte herpes club,'" Pam said, "Once we went to dinner and there were 30 of us and also the hostess asked, 'What's the unique occasion?' My friend said, 'We're the herpes dating site pottery club!'"
